Faith.HOPE.Charity

I've been very high. I usually am. I'm very lucky. I'm rarely sad, stressed, and I've probably only felt depression two or three times in my life (one of them was really horrific and I had to physically go to the Temple immediately to get rid of it). That's an interesting and scary story but I'm not going to tell it here. Like I said, I'm a very positive person. Both of my parents are extremely positive. Both believe that anything is possible, my mom in an innocent naive way, my dad in a hard working, reap what you sew way. I inherited this from my parents and I'm so glad! I am definitely a dreamer.

Having said that, lately I have been extremely sensitive to energy......negative energy. It's the total opposite of what I'm feeling and where I'm at right now. I've found that I'm pretty impatient with it and just don't have time for it. I've just decided that when it comes my way, I'll have to ignore it. I'm not good at ignoring things. On the other hand I'm pretty good at speaking my mind and knowing what to say, however I feel isolated. Alone. I really feel like I can't relate to anyone anymore. I have been given these feelings but there's a down side to it. I just feel like I'm on a whole different level, a higher level. Not that I am better, but that I feel better than anyone else. I am still myself but there is now a deep rooted Hope in my soul that has been tied into every other aspect of who I am....that's the best way I can describe it. And, it is going no where fast. I cannot find the same level of Hope in anyone else. It's all very strange. I just feel alone in it.

I have been feeling a "perfect brightness of Hope". I had never related easily to that scriptural phrase before now. Faith, hope and charity. Yeah, I know Faith. In describing me, it mentions Faith eleven times in my P. blessing. Charity, I know Charity. I have had amazing and almost perfect examples of people possessing true Charity. I hope to be a fraction of what they are or were in that aspect. Then there's Hope. I never really felt that there was anything to hope for that could give you such a strong anchor feeling in the pit of your soul. I mean, I hope this, I hope that...you always have those. Hope it doesn't rain today, hope I look okay, hope the Suns win tonight, ect. None are a deal breaker. I never had Hope like this in something eternal. I can only imagine the people of the BoM who were waiting for Christ to come the first time, not to the Americas....the very first time...to the world, as a baby. The hope that the saviour of the world would in fact really come would have been Hope. A feeling of Hope that you can't stop thinking about, and you can't help but feel, and you actually do something about. Faith is dead without works. I have found that Hope is the same. Hope is dead without works. You can't hope for something so bad, and having a feeling this deep and not do anything about it. You want to do anything you can. I have really felt this scripture and I have automatically adopted it as my own for this time in my life. (2 Nephi 31:20) The feeling will be fulfilled, but I pray it only transpires into another area, another purpose.

As it says in the scriptures, without Faith, Hope, and Charity, you are nothing and you cannot obtain eternal life. I know that at this time in my life I need to work on these. I am so excited right now, but I am also scared. I know what is to be fulfilled. It is the unknown for me, however wonderful it might be. I have still never known anything else and I feel very blessed and I'm so proud of the things I've done with the eyesight that I have. I'm proud of my body and I know it's strange but I almost feel a bit of quilt or remorse. I don't have a guilty conscious, so it's not that big of a deal but I do feel that. I just need to look at this as my eyes getting better, not new eyes. I feel this strange relationship with my eyes and I'm very proud and grateful for what they've been able to do for me. For some reason I am feeling like I am about to abandon the eyes that have tried so hard, gave everything they had, the eyes that compensated, and strained and worked so hard so I could do the things that I love. Almost as if they are a separate being, part of me, but as if our body parts have their own personalities, their own sense of being. On a side note it would make a very good concept for a novel or a film. Am I weird for feeling these things? Would these things be commonplace in a screenwriters circle, or maybe my idea for a book just came. (It's one of my life dreams/goals to publish a book) All these concepts are probably very strange for you to be reading about. I don't think anyone really understands that concept but I'm going to help you realize what I am feeling. The concept of the unknown, and the fear of that even when it's better. We know that this life is short and eternities wait, and that we will all die...or be twinkled. I'm actually hoping and praying with everything I've got that I will be here when Christ comes back. I figure even if I'm not twinkled, I won't care about dying once I've seen Christ. My biggest fear is death, even though I know it's better on the other side. It is still the unknown....do you understand now? It is the exact same concept. We know a little bit about what will happen after we die. I know a little bit of what I will be able to do after my eyes are fixed. We don't KNOW though, we have never been dead, we have never been wherever you are when you die, we have never felt that, we have never seen who will be with us, we do not know very much at all. I have NEVER seen anything better or worse than what I am seeing. I don't KNOW what that will be like, feel like. It still is not known, even though it's better. And by the way, I'm less scared of dying in the sense of being on the other side than what is left on this side. I hate a body without a spirit, I hate coffins, cemeteries, and Hursts. I stay as far away as possible. Why does death have to be so creepy on this side of things? I hope I explained my concept of the unknown to you so that you understand why I may be feeling a little scared.

But without further ado, Here's to Faith. Here's to Hope. Here's to Charity. Here's to Positive Energy. Meet the standard! Here's to Positive Thinking. Last but not least, here's to my favorite word....Believe.