???

I am SO tired as I sit here and type this. Today it has dawned on me that I wouldn't be surprised if I were pregnant. Here are the reasons why:

I have been REALLY tired in the mornings and it has been hard getting myself out of bed. I have been trying to sneak naps in the day also. I have been so worn out lately. It has been hard keeping up with the chores and cooking, and I never feel up to taking the kids out on walks. We haven't even been getting the mail lately.

On the flip side, I have been really busy with morning errands and household chores gearing up to leave for our Thanksgiving trip. I have not been working out the last couple weeks, and I probably haven't been eating enough food the last couple weeks either.

I have been peeing more frequently too, never a good thing. I already pee frequently from these babies shrinking my poor bladder, now it's even seemingly worse. I don't know.....I'm just saying....if Shar reads this (he probably won't, he never reads my blog unless I force him) but if I tell him he'll make me test right away all the while being secretly excited at the possibility.

Not that it would be bad but it's not the right time of year to get pregnant in Arizona...actually it's the worst. Besides that, our near future is uncertain and adding a pregnancy to it wouldn't seem to help matters. Shar is trying to finish up his associates, our lease is up this spring, and treatment of my ONH is on the horizon. We had planned to get pregnant this summer so that I could carry the baby through the winter and deliver when Phoenix turned 3 or thereabouts. It's good for sanity's sake to spread them out a bit. Now I don't know what the plan should be. I will admit I have been baby hungry lately but have decided to put mind over matter and stick to the original plan. It's just easier with the thought of Phoenix being older and although I'm a little baby hungry, that doesn't mean I want to be pregnant. That part I'm not so hungry for.....who knows what the answer is. I guess if I am pregnant right now then that is what the answer is! If I'm not I still don't know.

Nap time......then chores and packing!

Pictures From Kenidee's Journey To China

Kenidee is a little toddler girl who has made the journey to China for treatment of her ONH. These are some of the pictures from their blog.

Pigs feet

A cooked dogs head......so sad to me.

Cooked chicks....also sad.

Walmart in China...may be the only place to get decent food...fruit, bread... Qingdao is where the Chengyang People's Hospital is and it's on the coast. Looks like Kenidee and her family went to the beach, but didn't swim...probably a good idea. A toilet in China McDonalds in China Ping pong in the hospital...cool. Some of the staff, doctors, nurses...

This is a foyer in the hospital that I always see. Those orange marshmellow couches crack me up! When I go, I've got to send back a picture of me on the orange marshmellow couch!

Thank You Jesus - Bailey's family

I am finding things and blogs and stories like this every time I do research on the computer. It is so exciting to get in the website and enter "my world" of ONH and relate to my people there that are sharing the same trials and problems that I am. It's like reading about someone you feel you've always known. I can't help but cry reading the success stories of people I don't know but already automatically feel SO much love for because I know what they have gone through. We already have so much in common and I am loving these people so easily.

I have posted below 3 posts from one of the many blogs that I have come across. I am very emotional about all this and all that I'm reading. These people are witnessing miracles and are so gracious and grateful to God and Jesus. They have become family with the other patients and families who have also made the journey to China at the same time they have. They speak so highly of the doctors and staff, and it is just a true joy to read their accounts.

Below is 3 posts from one patients family. Her name is Bailey. I don't know how old she is. This is so uplifting. Read from top to bottom, they are in order.


Bailey is OK!!

Bailey made it through her 1st spinal! We got to the 4th floor and had to sign some papers. Doctor Allen was there to take her back which made her feel better…she likes him! They took her @ 4:55 and she was back out where we could see her @ 5:15!!!! We couldnt believe it…It was SO FAST…she came out and she was crying! She said that her back was hurting!! I am sure that is hurt but she was scared because when she woke up no one was beside the bed so she was scared! They got her back to the room and it took her a little while to get settled! We gave her some motrin! She was STARVING!! She had to wait until 7:30 to have something to drink so @ 7:30 she drunk some grape juice and some coke (we heard that is really good to give them…makes sense)… Everyone came in to check on her..It is so nice to have such LOVING, CARING people around you!! Thomas, Maria and Gretta came in to say their “Good-Byes” because they are leaving tomorrow…we R going to miss them so much!! At 9:30 she was able to eat a little something so she had 3 packs of crackers then asked for some ketchup and salt..she said she needed it because she was fixing to start eating her pillow!! It is hard to eat a lot because u are laying flat on your back…she did roll on her side a couple of times to just take the pressure off! After she ate her crackers she went to sleep! At 11:30 we raised the bed just a little bit to get her ready to sit up! She woke up about 12:15 and was ready to get out of the bed…we cranked the bed a little higher..finally about 12:45 she was able to get up and go to the bathroom!! PRAISE GOD FOR NO HEADACHE!!! Believe and you shall receive!!!! She went to the bathroom and she was so happy to get up….We fixed her noodles, she ate then was ready to get back to bed! She wanted me to sleep with her! I think I slept with one eye open because I was so afraid I was going to hit her back! She slept until 8:15 this morning! She woke up and said her back really hurts…but NO headache or fever!! She has just been moving around really slow and laying aournd! Resting is the best for her! She asked the doctor is they were doing the same thing on Friday and they said yes…she was OK with it!! She is SO BRAVE!! Today is Moms B-Day so the whole floor(20 people) is going out to eat tonight…we are renting a BIG van and going downtown to May 4th square to “The Diner”…supposed to be American food…hamb,steak,nachos…Hopefully it is GOOD!!! I am SO EXCITED…I got to tell someone about Jesus last night that DID NOT KNOW WHO JESUS WAS!!! It was SO NEAT!! We are definately able to plant the seeds here!! Thank you Jesus!!!!


Last Treatment!!!

Well the last couple of days has been pretty quiet around here! Bailey has been feeling good…her back is still sore but that is to be expected…She never got a headache!! On Tuesday night we ALL went out to eat for Moms birthday and it was DELICIOUS!! It is the only “American” restaurant downtown…Bailey and I got some REFRIED BEANS…we were SO SO HAPPY!! We will be going back there before we head home! Susan, Mark, & Tony got Mom a cake for her b-day so we came back, sang and ate cake! On Wednesday Bailey had acupunture and accupressure.. Carlie, Mark, & Chuck had spinals on Wednesday so we went up the 9th floor while everyone got their spinals…its nice to have some support while you are waiting!! Everyone got done then Bailey wanted to go outside and find flowers for everyone!! We were able to find a BIG bush of some type of roses so we got enough for her to hand out! She went and did her usual…she is the lil nurse around here…she checks on everyone and makes sure that they are OK..then she took them their flowers! She would not go to bed until she saw Carlie get up and walk…THEN she was OK to leave Carlie…Chuck said “He dont know what hes gonna do on Monday when we leave and he has his last spinal….Bailey will not be here to come and check on him”….they know she is gonna come! On Thursday we had a festival at the hospital from 10-12..it is “Dragon Boat Festival”…i’m not sure the whole meaning but it was really nice! They had Tons of fruit, candy, pizza and then rice that was wrapped in bamboo leaves…it wasn’t too bad! Not something I would want everyday but at least we can say we tried it!! They also had a gift for each of the kids!!! They are ALL so thoughtful and make the kids feel so special! After the party we went back to the Jimo Market to fnish up some shopping! The cab ride there was GREAT!! No problems!! On the way back we were laughing so HARD! Mom thought she was on a roller coaster! The market is 45 minutes from the hospital but we made it back in 25 minutes… A couple of times I thought my jaws were flappin!!!! HE WAS ON A MISSION!! We had pizza and a salad and called it a night!! Today we had to say “GOOD BYE” to Susan, Tony & Mark..they were going home! It is so hard to say goodbye…They are such a WONDERFUL FAMILY…we had so much fun with them! Bailey now has a “Nana Susan”!!! They are coming to Kissimmee for Christmas so I cant wait to see them again!! Bailey started her IV drip at 3:45 and they came to take her down @ 4:30 for her treatment! We went down to the 4th floor to the OR room and they were SO busy! We were waiting at the door and a doctor came past us with a bowl of something in his hand…he was talking to a family and he sat the bowl down behind us…we asked Dr.Allen what that was and he said it was tissue from someones body…OMG…R U KIDDIN??? It was in a lil silver bowl showing it to the family! They took Bailey back at 4:55 and we waited inside…they brought her out at 5:35 and said it took longer because they were so busy today!! She came out and was not crying…she was still drugged! She woke up and looked at me…I made sure she was OK and she was…she was REALLY SLEEPY from the medicine…we got her back to the room and got settled in..she slept for about 45 minutes and she was awake…she wanted to listen to the Easter musical from church! She was excited to hear peoples voices that she knew…SHE IS HOME SICK!!! She is missing her brothers and sister!! It is 2 hours into her treatment and she just got something to drink and is SO HUNGRY!!! She is watching a movie with Mom, just relaxing! She said her back is burning a little bit BUT no headache or hurting real bad…THANK YOU FOR ANSWERED PRAYERS…I will update more later after she gets up and moves around! SUCH A BRAVE LITTLE SOLDIER!!! She has been so strong and tough…Such an inspiration to me and SO MANY OTHERS HERE!!!



PACKING!!

We are leaving in the Morning!! :)
Well it is Sunday night and I just got done packing our stuff…I dont know how we are going to carry EVERYTHING!!! Going to be FUN!! Bailey is feeling GOOD!! Her back is still sore but she has been getting around good tonight! She has been playing with Carlie and Holly!! She is going to miss Ty and Carlie…They have been best buds the whole time! Bailey did good with the spinal on Friday night! She had 30 minutes left until she could get up and she fell asleep so she slept until 8:15 the next morning! When she woke up she was REALLY REALLY sore! Come to find out…they had to poke her 2 times to get the needle in so she said it was Hurtin!!! She doesnt sit there and just complain and complain…She is SO STRONG!! We have been busy packing, getting ready to COME HOME!! We have missed our families SO SO SO MUCH! I cant wait to get back…BUT i sure will miss ALL of the friends that we have made here! We have become family!! The nurses, doctors and staff have been exceptional to us…They go ABOVE AND BEYOND…they really make you feel comfortable and appreciated!! This has been a life changing experience and I GIVE GOD ALL OF THE GLORY!!! Thank you Lord for this journey and the people that have been placed in our path…You have given us Peace, Comfort & Joy that is undescribable! I cant wait to see what you hold in the future for Bailey because I know You are in control and I COMPLETELY TRUST IN YOU!!!

We are leaving in 5 hours so I will update when we get home!!! Keep us in your prayers!!

THANK YOU ALL FOR YOUR CONTINUING LOVE, SUPPORT AND PRAYERS ON OUR JOURNEY!!!

China Stem Cell News

Our website is dedicated to providing you with up-to-date and on-target information about adult stem cells, research and current treatments available in China. We help match patients to providers in China.


"He's had more progress in the five weeks that we've been here than in the last two years of conventional therapy."
Aaron Frohman, father of Braden Frohman (CP)


Choosing to undergo adult stem cell therapy or deciding the time is right for your child or loved one to receive it is a huge decision. While umbilical cord blood stem cells and autologous bone marrow cells are by no means rare in this world gaining access to them is fraught with challenges. But access isn't a challenge in China. Safety tests for your own bone marrow have long shown infusions to be safe and umbilical cord and cord blood stem cells have been safely received by six thousand patients in China now. That represents well over 20,000 transplantation events and opportunities for safety data to present a problem. It simply hasn't.

Link to the site
China Stem Cell News

I would just like to make clear that "stem cells" in this case refer to umbilical cord stem cells rather than embryotic stem cells.

You can click on the link above and I have also added one to the top of my side bar (right) There are some great stories and updates on pregressing patients, not only with ONH but several other health problems. To look at OHN specifically, look on the websites left side and go down to ONH, they are in alphebetical order. I am researching this all right now and it looks like it is indeed the treatment. The USA has stem cell laws so they don't do the treatments here as of yet. Things are looking promising and the things I'm reading on here are very uplifting.

It's Official, My Thoughts and Feelings

Finally after 23 years in the dark, I have been diagnosed. I have been to numerous Optometrists throughout my life who never seemed to be able to figure me out. Growing up I was made to wear glasses that didn't help me. I went through a stint of therapy that didn't seem to help either.

Most recently Sharrid and I decided that we would pursue the problem further than we ever have before. Last spring I started going to the doctors. First I went to a regular Optometrist to have some regular testing done on my eyes and to get a referral. When he gave me a copy of my records I saw that he wrote under the "notes" section: "Left eye is useless, Right eye is horrible. Vision impaired is Neurological." That pretty much sums it up.

I then took those records of basic eye testing and went to the only Neuro Opthamologist in the state of Arizona. His name is Dr. Thomas Wolf and he is located in Scottsdale. He's an older man with white hair and has a very business like manner. He's serious and I was okay with that. I told him everything about my eyes and my past. After more testing including a look at the heads of my Optic Nerves, he ordered an MRI on the brain to confirm what he found. Meanwhile he told me that my Optic Nerves were too small and too pale and that there was nothing that could fix it right now. I went home and googled what he told me and found my diagnoses on my own. I think he wanted to get the MRI results back before he diagnosed me as you cannot see the actual Optic Nerve without one, only the heads. As soon as I started reading what I researched, I knew it. I still wanted the diagnoses from him though. I did do the MRI in early October after some minor set backs (I highly recommend being knocked out for one of those) and just got the results back. The MRI came back normal and everything looks good, keeping in mind that what he told me about my optic nerves is still true. I then checked with his office and sure enough he diagnosed me with the same thing I found through my research. I have a follow up with him in February......possibly the last time I see him. I'll always be very grateful to that man, Dr. Wolf. Whoever he is, he's helped me in my journey. He's finally given me a diagnoses which is HUGE for me right now. It's been so frustrating not having even a name to tell people. You'd be surprised how stupid you feel trying to explain something like this to people without having a legitimate name at the very least.

I have Optic Nerve Hypoplasia. It is a birth defect basically. Hypoplasia means underdeveloped. In this case the optic nerves (which are the main nerves that travel from the eye to the brain) are underdeveloped. There is a process of development and then pruning of the optic nerves at about 10-12 weeks gestation. Either the optic nerves were just underdeveloped or they were developed and then pruned too much. Either way, it doesn't really matter. Like I said, it occurs at about 12 weeks pregnant and 70% of the time the mother has no risk factors and it's completely random. The smaller the optic nerve, the less sight you'll have to travel through. Everybody has visual fibers that spread out of the optic nerve so to say and cover the head of the optic nerve which is right against the eye kind of. You have visual fibers for every part of your vision, peripheral, central. With Optic Nerve Hypoplasia (ONH) some or even all of those fibers are dead. For me personally I would guess that the fibers on the outside and around the top and bottem are decent (peripheral, for instance the vision that lets you know a ball is flying side ways towards your head or someone is standing behind you) The fibers that are right in the middle and aren't spread out to the edges are not so good and most likely there are a lot of dead fibers in that area. (central vision, for instance the vision you use to read and see daily things right in front of you) I know it's hard to understand the fibers but it will be easier when you see the pictures below later.

People with ONH most likely also have Nystagmus which is a "wandering eye" that has little to no control and has a hard time focusing. It's so weak that the other eye takes over it and even though it's not blind it is useless unless forced to use by covering the strong eye. I have Nystagmus with my Left eye. I don't use it other than for peripheral vision and I cannot open that eye while the other is closed, although I can open my strong eye while the left weak eye is closed. Also I cannot wink with that weak eye.

15-25% of infants with vision loss at birth have ONH. "Several hundred patients have been seen and diagnosed but there has never been one family with more than one ONH child. So whatever the reason for ONH, it appears to be a fleeting, difficult problem to solve or get a better hold of in terms of uncovering the reason or cause of the condition"

There is no cure or treatment for ONH at this time. It is not progressive and does not get worse with time, nor does it really get better with time. It's constant. It is not hereditary and is completely random. It is one of the 3 most common cases of vision loss in children. Research is underway and looks promising. Some even say that treatment can be found through stem cells from umbilical cords. I am just glad I have a name for my problem so that I can keep my ears and eyes open for the cure or treatment that will inevitably come.

ONH is very broad. Vision can range from blindness and only light and dark perception to nearly perfect vision. It depends on how many optic nerve fibers have died off. ONH can also affect or cause other problems in the brain and it has something to do with the pituitary gland in the back of the brain which basically controls your whole body. So people with ONH can have Thyroid problems, growth problems and even mental retardation. I have been blessed to live a normal life with only very bad eyesight.

People who have ONH (like myself) will describe a lack of detail (depressed visual field) but that the lack of detail is not comparable to the blurred reduction in vision when a person removes their glasses. EXACTLY! It is so hard to explain that I can't see certain things and that there isn't enough detail but that my vision is clear without blur.

Because ONH and the pituitary gland have some sort of relationship or connection, someone with ONH may experience these things that are related: bad depth perception, low blood sugar, hypoglycemia, fast metabolism, irregular menstrual cycles. That explains that then huh!?

This is a picture of a healthy normal optic nerve head. The color the brightness and the yellow opening is nice and big and bright.

This is a picture of an optic nerve head that mine would look like. The coloring is dark and drab compared to the other one. The opening is small and doesn't have the yellow glow that the other one does. The darkness around the outside and on the left side there are probably the places where the fibers died off during the pregnancy.

I have been doing a video diary/journal of this whole experience and also talking about my past as far as my visual history and how I have coped growing up with the problem. I also share significant stories of my life that might have to do with my vision or overcoming the hardships of my vision. I share my thoughts and feelings in the journal. It's an ongoing project but I think that we're closing a chapter here and we'll be playing the waiting game for a while until another chapter opens up.

This latest experience has opened up new thoughts of my own to me. It has made me think of how much longer I might have to live with this and where I'd like to be if that's the case. It has made me think of where it would be easiest and best for me to raise my children. It has made me realize how scared I am to send my children out to school and into the "normal" world. It has made me feel extremely proud of myself and how I have "fit in" and how I have compensated and pretended and faked it and slid by and worked 10 times harder than anyone else to do a certain something, It has made me realize how much we didn't know in the past and how frustrating it was. It has made me realize the true artist that I am. It scares me to think that fixing the problem would change that, that I wouldn't "feel" so much anymore, that I would come about it another way, but I can never let that happen. When I dance, I do it well because I feel so much, not because I've gone through any steps a million times, it's because I can feel what that artist is feeling from that music and I can relate to that so easily because it's naturally what I feel also. I don't write music because I studied music for years and I know what I'm doing and I know all of my notes. I don't. I write music because I was extremely inspired beyond all imagination by a person that has now been and done so much for me, and because I prayed to be able to do it, like him. I've never been inspired like that before and I have never had a stronger desire to know someone like that before, to really know them. I have never had an answer to prayer like that before or after, ever. I play music because I can feel it, not because I know my notes and not because I know how to hold my bass frat right and not because I can read music. I play music because I can feel it. I never want to lose that gift, that feeling that I do things by. I believe that I might feel that so much stronger because my vision is weaker. People who can't see, feel. I didn't play basketball for any other reason other than it came natural and I loved it. I didn't learn to dribble and shoot, I just did it. I have been thinking of all the normal things that I have been able to do throughout my life and all the normal things that I shouldn't have ever been able to do.....but did anyway. This has all made me think of the people who have been the most influential in my life and what they've done to me and what they've been for me and how it is that I even came across them and why, and what does it mean, and basically it means the world to me and my life because of what they did for me and they made my life. I know I was guided to some and was inspired to know them and received personal revelation that they were good and that I should know them. I'll never forget where I was sitting or what I was looking at or doing when those things came to me. I'm so grateful I was able to see who the people really were and I got a glimpse of the eternal person with each of them. I'm so grateful for these people that made my life and I feel so much love for them. I have no room for any other. I'm beyond feeling, that's how much. It's constantly overflowing and it turns to pain because of how much it is and because I can't bottle it, I can't contain it, I can't control it. It's so much that if I think about it I can't not cry. Part of the pain comes because most of these people are gone now and oh.....they meant the world to me and even though it might very well be for the better, I miss them so much and I think about them everyday and what they were and still are for me. It makes me so sad that they're gone because maybe I don't need them anymore, maybe they taught me what I needed and guided me to where I ought to be but not just for me, this world was a better place with every one of them, profoundly better, cleaner, more righteous, more giving, more meek, more peaceful, more friendly, better. So much better. And we're so much worse off without them but I have to let their influence change me and live in me and now I have to take it and live it and try and make the difference like they did. I won't let my people go in vain. Thank you so much to my parents. They have been the best. I owe them everything I am. Thank you so much to Michael who inspired me, taught me, made me so happy, made me so sad, was my example, showed me truth, and integrity, and right, and human, and eternal, and opposition, and everything, didn't make me "want" to be a better person, but just MADE me a better person hundreds of times over and made me love being a better person, all by knowing him alone. Thank you so much to Kim, who had faith in me when I didn't, who had confidence and knowing about me when I didn't, who picked me up and molded me and strengthened me with her belief, who showed me integrity, and hard work, and optimism, and press on, and inspired me to be the best I could. She helped me survive mentally and emotionally. She picked me up when I had been dropped and when I thought I'd lost my identity, she basically saved me from a dark void. Thank you so much to Fred, a true Christlike example to me. Thank you so much to Connie who has truly been my best friend for the past five years, who helped me in a difficult time of my life, a time of change and a different season. You have been my ear, my microphone, my diary, my sounding board. You have looked out for me and I would be miserable without you. You are my best friend and I love you so much. The things we have in common are so in common and bring us so close and the differences we have shine and make us know each other better and learn from each other. Thank you for letting me be myself, as quirky and eccentric and trendy and artistic as that might be. Thank you so much to Alma who also saved me from darkness. He held me, blessed me and was sensitive. He dried my tears when my feelings were hurt badly. He showed me what Christ would have done and I saw Him inside of Alma. He wrote me. He didn't forget me. He accepted me and showed true love. Thank you so much. I'm proud that despite the problem I have, I still became the person I always would have been, an athlete, a dancer, a poet, a writer, a musician, an artist. I'm so thankful for these people. Thank you so much. I have a lot to look forward to and a lot to look back on in gratefulness. I have to thank these people right now at this point. These are the things that I've been feeling.

Jonah's Birthday!

My Nephew Jonah turned 5 on November 9th and had a party on Saturday. It was Marcelus' first real birthday party! He is just starting to understand what birthday party means...

This was on the front door as we approached...

All the kids found their goodie bags (treasure) using puzzle pieces each got with their invitation. They put the puzzle together to form the map.

Here's some of the kids after finding their treasure...

Opening present was horrendous. Before not too long, this was the scene. Crowding, confusion and loud kids! I just wanted to see what Jonah was getting...and take a few pictures... Jonah got some really great gifts including some puzzles, animal figures, and Thomas trains. Marcelus gave him a fuzzy lined jean jacket for the winter and a Thomas card game. Singing and eating cake and ice cream. I thought it was real fitting for his two cousins to sit next to him. The cake was awesome. I love that I captured a little 5 year old conversation between Jonah and cousin Matthew. The birthday group!

Jonah will probably remember this Pirate party forever!

Balancing

The Good and Bad

Halloween was fun this year but on to the next big Holiday, Thanksgiving. I am very excited to get to go to St. George this year to the big Willard reunion since I missed last year (for the first time in my life) Thanksgiving with the Willard's is huge and really the only chance I have to see my dad's side. The food and activities are the BEST! I went to Ross (by the way - I LOVE Ross) and bought the boys beanies and we are ready to go! I LOVE St. George in the fall! Yay for Thanksgiving!

Meanwhile Christmas is just around the corner! I just started listening to Christmas music a few days ago....that's late for my family....Last family night we talked to Marcelus about what Christmas is and why we celebrate it. We told the story even though it's hard for a 3 year old to understand. We mainly just tried to emphasize that it is Jesus' Birthday and that Christmas is kind of like a big birthday party for Jesus. What can you do for a 3 year old? Marce is like every other kid. He likes toys and candy, but we want to teach him from the beginning that we GIVE gifts and get them because Christ was a gift to us from Heavenly Father and because the wise men gave him gifts as well. We wanted to talk about other aspects of Christmas also, including Santa. In my family growing up, we literally saw Santa every Christmas morning. We hid from him and saw him bring in gifts. I always loved that break between wake up and gifts to sit in the dark with my siblings and feel all those feelings: Excitement, Unity with my Family, Peace, Love, and even at times the Spirit. In our little family night we talked about traditions that we want to do in our family. So far we have been here and there and even split up for Christmas, but we know that this year and on we will be having our own Christmas' and we want to carry on some traditions and start some of our own. We will continue the Santa Claus tradition and the others are pretty universal: Drive around and look at the lights, give a basket of bread & goodies to a less fortunate family, tell the Christmas story Christmas Eve, Bake on Christmas Eve day, and have our big extended family gift exchange. One thing we have been planning that we haven't done yet but will try to start this year is making a real Gingerbread house as a family to display through December. I'm sure as the kids get older we will start new traditions that will come to us in the future. We just really want to establish that Christmas is about Christ and Family and Fun.

I have been collecting ornaments here and there for my tree this year. I want just a good variety of different ornaments. So far they are mostly blue and red and white, but anything will go. I just don't want a tree full of plain Christmas balls. This is my small collection so far (missing a couple: wooden "M" and "P" that Kira made last year) I get a few every time I go out shopping and it should be a pretty good collection when decorating time comes. The red wreath, grayish blue star, and music note were birthday gifts from my sister Connie. I recently bought the iron Christmas tree in the corner, the blue glittery ball, and the ice blue and white snowflake (my favorite).

In other feel good news, the Suns are undefeated at 4 and 0. Only 2 other Suns teams in basketball history have started out so well. And, only 2 other teams this season have that good of a record, Boston and Denver. Go Suns! I haven't had the chance to even watch a full game with how busy I've been, not to mention I'm trying to watch SYTYCD, Biggest Loser, and Project Runway still...plus the World Series and College Football! There's too much good TV on in the fall!

In some not so good news, I have been struggling with my eyes lately. I'd say about the last month. Normally I have good days and bad days. Bad days mean that my eyes are tired of working so hard and they just give up more when I'm trying to see or read really small things. Basically they're too tired. Good days are when I surprise myself with how fast or accurate I am on seeing or reading something small. Most days are the same, average. Lately though it seems I've been having only bad days. Things seem a little harder. I'm more and more dependent on my magnifying glasses that are now stationed throughout the house. In church I don't even try to sing the Hymns without one anymore. I used to strain and hold the book next to my face but it's a lot of work for my eyes and it wears them out...it also can strengthen them though....

I'm not really worried about my eyes changing, they never have. Good strong days, bad tired days, but other than that, they don't change. I did an MRI of the brain about a month ago requested by my Neuro O. and I've called his office and left a message asking about the results and if we'll be meeting up to go over them...waiting on that call. I have an apptointment in February but if the results are in in a few days...why wait that long to find out what is going on. Now I'm just hoping my eyes take some strength somehow. They work really hard to get me by and I know I put a lot of my overall energy into them...I have to, but lately I've been awfully squinty. I feel like the only time they are relaxed is when I'm sleeping. Even looking over at Shar in the car as we're talking they're squnited, and sometimes they're not and he'll say "Wow, I can actually see your eyes!" Then he compliments me on them and tells me I should try to keep them open more often.....thanks babe, not what I need ha ha. Someday they'll rest forever. Someday they won't strain, someday they won't feel stressed and tired, and someday I won't squint.......Not today though.

Halloween 2009

Thursday night was our ward trunk or treat. Marce was SO cute and made a perfect cowboy! It was a little hard having the kids by myself especially since Marce had to go to the bathroom right when we sat down to eat chili and cornbread. Marce loved seeing all the other kids in their costumes and kept saying stuff like "There's buzz mom..." or "Look, monsters!..." I was trying to teach him Trick or Treating etiquette and so as he left every trunk he said "thanks" and "see you later". He loved it and was so excited. He was especially excited to go to his Nursery teachers trunk. She told me that Marcelus is the only one in the class who knows her name and calls her Sister Adams. She gave him a huge hug after we spent some time at her trunk and I heard Marcelus say to her "I love you so much." That sure did melt my heart and made me realize that I might be teaching Marce a few things and that he is a good hearted loving kid. I'm so glad he loves her and shows that. She is his first teacher because he doesn't go to school. I'm hoping he treats all of his other teachers with that much love and respect, if they treat him that way as well. As we were finishing up Marce said to me "We got lots of candy!, We got too much!" It was pretty funny. Being a mom is just getting better and better as Marce gets older!

Here are the loads of pictures I took before the Trunk or Treat & Halloween at Connie's house. We trick or Treated Halloween night with Connie's family and Karena's family. I had a blast and so did everyone else I think! We took the kids out and then came back for 7 layer dip, donuts, and card games. It was awesome!

Candids & Stories

One night last week we had to go get milk at the store. I ran in in my pajamas and came out and was putting the milk in my trunk when some guy in an SUV was rolling through the parking lot and turned into my aisle. He had his window down and shouted something. All I heard was something like "......bringing pajamas back...." and "....you're hot...."
That was interesting and funny.

Marce wanted a picture with some of the engine cards from his new Thomas game.

Phoenix taking a little nap with Daddy

Phoenix was tossing and turning, whining like he was half asleep one morning in our bed. When we finally woke up enough to see what the matter was, we discovered this: One of his many nose bleeds...from all the tossing came the blood spread all over his face.

Today during the Sacrament, Marce said "He has a black face like my daddy". We have quite a diverse ward and a lot of different races, including blacks....apparently not enough for Marce to not make a comment like that ha ha