Play Day

I've been trying to take a few pictures here and there. Marcelus needed new shoes. I wanted to save them for Christmas but he kept talking about them. I got these on sale for $15 at Journeys.com. They have good sales!

They look super cute on him! Marce armed and ready to go! Light saber and Nerf gun. Phoenix talking on our pretend phones. Marce looks so grown up in this picture to me. ha ha The boys have been playing a lot. They have been getting everything out! Cleaning up at the end of the day has been a little overwhelming.

My Thoughts Just Before The Big Ultrasound

I keep a pregnancy journal that has color coded sections for each baby and I try and document everything from Conception to the birth story in this journal for each kid. I always do a page for "My thoughts just before the big ultrasound". I make Sharrid do this page as well. I thought I would share it as a blog post too.

It's amazing to me that at the beginning of my pregnancy I said I wanted a girl for sure, but the closer it gets to finding out, the more resolved I get to just want what is meant for our family and whoever is supposed to be in our family. Thoughts of having a boy are so easy, totally imaginable. I have done that before. It's easy to believe that I am having another boy. It would be great to go through the baby clothes and get everything ready again, fill in the gaps and such. On the other hand, how fun would it be to start from scratch and collect everything new as we got closer to the birth of a girl. I'm not one of those moms who is dying to have a little girl. I have nothing against Pink, hair bows, princess and dress up....but let's face it, those were the farthest things from what I was as a girl! I don't know what my girl will be like and it makes me a little anxious. I know that a parent has a lot of influence over their kids and for some reason I'm more scared to have a girl. The things I want her to like are outdated, old fashioned and uncool in the world we live in. One thing is certain if I have a girl. She'll know her grandma and her great grandma's. She'll be named after her great grandma, Roma Jean. That means more to me than anything I could say about anything else, and she will know that. Overall I just think having boys and raising boys is a natural for me. Raising a little girl would be interesting. It would definitely put me out of my comfort zone I think, but I do want a shot at it. I hate to admit it but I think I would be more protective of her than I am of my boys. I think I'm worried she wouldn't really like me, especially as a teen. I'm scared we'd have nothing in common. I don't know, I guess I'm just kind of scared of the idea of having a girl, but I think I want to do it. It would balance out our family which is good for everybody. As much as I've been planning to name my first girl after my grandma, I could see us having all boys, but something in me says she's there, waiting. That she'll come, that she's there. I just don't know if we'll get her this time. I LOVE boys. I love my boys. Boys is what I do. I know boys. I get it, and I have ever since I was born. I would love to have a handful of boys. So, if we have another boy, I'll be happy. It'll make me anxious that I am getting closer to being done still without my girl but other than that...I'll love it. It's so much easier to be undecided when you have both names all ready and set and you like them both a lot. You can actually imagine having that little Amar'e Willard. You fall in love with the idea because you are in love with the name. I don't know what I want so thank goodness we don't get to pick! One thing that would be great about having a girl would be that I would not be thinking about that in the back of my mind and thinking of what my chances are as I near the end of having kids. I wouldn't really worry about what I was having each time after that. I'd have my boys, have my girl, and anything after that would be a bonus. So I go to the Ultrasound with mixed feelings. Marcelus probably still wants a girl but saw the ultrasound pic and said it was a boy because it had no hair. I explained to him that girls can also be bald when they are born, but he is not so sure :) So he has kind of come around to the idea of a boy as well. BUT, he does not like the name Amar'e because he thinks it's a girls name despite the fact that he nor I know any girl named Amar'e. I told him I know a couple boys named Amar'e and he didn't believe me until I showed him a picture of Amar'e Stoudemire on the computer. Now I think he is okay but it still might not be his favorite name. He has threatened to call the baby a different name of which is undecided :) The funny thing is, when we were narrowing the boy's name down, Stacy was in the top 3, a co-gender name. He really liked Stacy! Four year olds are funny! Anyway one thing I have to have is a for sure answer. I need the tech to be able to be sure so I hope this baby cooperates. I'm sure they will. Don't tell anybody but I don't drink any of the required water. In fact I empty my bladder just previous to going in because of my bladder problems. My muscles down there are so weak I can't handle any pressure if I have pee in me. Luckily I am thin enough that it doesn't make a difference. Can't wait til Thursday. I have planned to buy the boys suckers for the occasion so they will be quiet. If it's a girl, heck, even if it's a boy, I'm going straight over to Target to buy an outfit. The very first outfit picked by mommy!

Wish us luck and sorry if you were bored by my ranting. I have so many mixed feelings about this that it's hard to say everything the way I mean it. It's hard to explain my feelings but I did the best I could. If I had the choice, deep down inside I'd choose a girl to secure her in our family and to relieve me from worrying over not having her in the future, but I'm just excited to have A baby. Babies are so sweet and precious no matter who they are.

A Handful Of An Update

I have been super busy lately. I definitely have a blogging "To Do" list and I'm going to try and scratch a few off today. The updates that have no pictures to go with them :( But stay tuned for my first pregnancy pictures, new hair cut pictures, and setting up the Christmas tree. For now, you'll have to use your imagination.

• First of all I had another pass out scare. I had eaten a piece of bread (apparently not good enough) and headed to Walmart to pick up a few things in a hurry. I felt fine and didn't have the normal signs of passing out (overheating, dizziness, burning stomach, ect.) I felt more like I was coming down with a stomach flu before all of a sudden I get light headed while checking out. I know what to do at this point. I have passed out so many times before and have had just as many scares or near occurrences. I told Shar to get me something to eat NOW and sat myself right down on the cold hard Walmart floor. If I were to pass out, it would not have been good for me or baby hitting that cement! Shar asked me stupid questions like what I wanted to eat. IT DOES NOT MATTER! If it's edible it will save me! So, it was another piece of bread and some Orange juice that we had just bought. That held me off until I walked over to the in-store McDonald's and got a hash brown and sausage McMuffin. All in all I was about 15 seconds away from passing out when Shar gave me the bread and juice. Isn't that sad...that I know how long I have before I'm a goner. I am well experienced in this though and so yet again another scare. Since I am pregnant, it might not be the last. I tend to nearly pass out more when I'm pregnant. Let's hope I can eat more filling foods!
• I went to the midnight showing of Harry Potter with my girlfriends and since I rested for about an hour after I put the boys down, I wasn't even tired and woke up at 8:30 the next morning! We had a great time running around like kids trying to find everyone and then securing seats in a nearly empty theatre. The movie was very well done. I was not disappointed by one thing. They had so much of the true dialogue in this film from the book. The scenes were done perfectly with pretty much exactly what I imagined. It was very much like the book. The only thing I would have asked for is for some of the emotion to be stronger. The action scenes were phenomenal, but then some of the thoughts and feelings of the characters, and things that were arguments or things that were a big deal to certain characters got down played. All in all, one of the best HP films yet. I would love to see it again and can't wait for the last segment!
• Sharrid has not had any Holidays off since he was in the academy. So we were not able to go to Thanksgiving this year in St. George. NOBODY does Thanksgiving like Willards do. It is a 3 day extravagant family reunion that happens only at Thanksgiving and I only see my dad's side of the family at this reunion. It is a bummer to miss it and when I do, I do not feel like it's Thanksgiving at all...just a nice meal. This year we had a Tri-family Thanksgiving dinner with a couple of my cousins here in Gilbert. I had a lot of food assignments (something I'm not used to) and therefore did not get one picture (even though I brought my camera). The food was good although it was a real bummer because we didn't have any turkey. I had proud moments with my food assignments but I am determined to get to St. George next year more than ever! I heard we killed it with our family silly song! Way to go guys! Can't wait to plan next year's! Happy Thanksgiving to everyone!
• My big Ultrasound is on Thursday. My thoughts to come in the next post!
• Our family Christmas cards will be out in a week! I will post the letter as well as the picture for all of you bloggers as soon as this weekend!

Lego kid!

Marcelus has always loved Legos and we've had the big duplo kind for a long time. I'd say it's the boys favorite bin to get out. I felt that Marce was getting to advanced for them though and that pretty soon he wasn't going to find them fun anymore, so I wanted to get him some little sets. I just knew he'd love them and was really confident about him being able to follow the instructions and put them together. Because the boxes say that it is for older ages like 7 or 8 I was thinking it would be something he'd need to get the hang of. Marcelus blew me away and was a complete natural! He was better than me at putting them together and following the diagrams. It is safe to say that he is a lego kid! He LOVES them and plays with them constantly. It's nice because it keeps him engaged for a while and it's a quiet activity. He especially loves building the little people. It almost seems therapeutic for him. Instead of Marce earning money for his chore chart stars, he just gets to pick a toy when his chart is full. It is easier for me not to get cash back and then get change of that and then take that with him to the store and do a separate transaction for him to pay for it and everything when I only go to the store once every two weeks and it's a big to do without all that. It is so much easier just to let him pick something out and include it in the groceries. He has of course been picking out little lego sets and has 3 of them now. They are all Star Wars sets because Marcelus is way into Star Wars. He was Darth Vader for Halloween and watches the movies all the time. He loves legos and he loves Star Wars. He's a true nerd but I love it! Here he is at work with his lego sets.

Phoenix got the puffy black eye and cut between the eyes from running into the living room, tripping over some blankets and going face first into my hard as a rock TV stand.

Broken Heart

I try to do what's right for me, but no one sees the way I see. And then I try to please them so, but how far can this pleasing go.
Sometimes I cry cause I'm confused. Is this a fact of being used. There is no life for me at all, cause I give myself at beck and call.
-Michael Jackson, Bless his soul

I heard you crying. I learned the story. I saw the shadows behind the past. They fall behind you and creep up slowly. We're only human behind the mask. So don't take me down. I couldn't stand to watch you fall...cause everybody has a broken heart. Remember this...They didn't mean to break it down to smithereens.
-Annie Lennox, Smithereens

Rest in peace Michael, Lexie

3 New Things

1. I am in my Maternity clothes completely now. I have put my regular jeans and pants into a bin for the next 6 months. I have parted ways. I am too big and too uncomfortable now to deal with them. I have surrendered to the MT pants! I do have some shorts/capris/pants that are technically not MT but have always been with my MT collection simply because I bought them too big or they could go both ways. I consider them MT clothes though. As for shirts, there are only a few that are not MT and of course there are the crossovers. I am still squeezing in to my pencil skirts for church but it's getting tight...almost time to buy the staple MT pencil skirt! It's actually great to just let go and own the MT wardrobe!

2. I started listening to Christmas music about a week ago. I always start out with Mannheim Steamroller. It always seems to be less abrasive then the rest. To hear a song that has no words or singing but is in fact a Christmas song versus listening to what you'll hear on the radio in December is a little more fitting right now for me. Mannheim does a lot of Christmas songs that people don't even know are Christmas songs which is also great that I don't have to listen to Jingle Bells right now if I want to listen to Christmas music. Thank Goodness for Mannheim!

3. When I'm not listening to Christmas music, I am listening to the Eurythmics.
I discovered (discovered meaning every song, every album) Annie Lennox a while ago and she became one of my very favorite artists and probably my top female artist. I bought all of the Eurythmics albums when I bought all of Annie's but never listened to them because there was enough to learn and mull over from just Annie.....until now. I have been going through the first three of eight albums and LOVE it. They are excellent and somehow different then Annie Lennox as a solo artist but still cohesive. I am only trying to learn a few albums at a time until I have them all down pretty good. I'm thrilled with just the first three. I can't wait to get to the rest!

Halloween 2010

I always feel like a single mom on Halloween (and almost every other holiday for that matter)...even worse, a single mom with no transportation. But I've always been able to get a ride to the ward Trunk-or-Treat. This year everything went as smooth as possible. I got the boys ready, and we packed a couple things in a backpack including Tupperware for dad's chili and cornbread. I'll pretty much do anything to get out of cooking. This year I let Marcelus pick out a new costume. We really had yet to buy a store bought costume and I want to build up a collection. Since they didn't have Anakin in his size, he chose between Darth Vader and Batman. I think he would look great as either. Next year I will let both boys pick out a new costume unless he wants to be Darth again. That will probably fit him the next 2 years. Phoenix went as a cowboy again this year. I couldn't find the vest I had but he turned out cute anyway.



Marce flipped up a part of his costume that's supposed to be over his pelvis area. He has a cool plastic piece with buttons on it where his chest/stomach is but you can't see it cause he flipped that piece up. I'm just noticing it in these pictures. Lame.
Marce kept trying to put his arm around Phoenix but his hat was getting all screwed so I just told them to hold hands. These boys are best friends! I love that I have two boys 2 years apart!
I guess I could have gotten one without Marce's mask but it's so cool! The boys got tons of candy. I came home, put them to bed after letting them eat a couple pieces (and brushing their teeth) then I dumped out all their candy and took what I wanted. Seriously their bag/pumpkin were full. I took the 100 Grands, the bubble gum, a few tootsie rolls, and a few little candy bars. It was like 10 pieces in all. As for the kids, I let them pick 2 pieces after each meal. It's going to take a while to eat it all, which is fine by me! We are decorating little pumpkins for Family Night on Sunday night, and then it's on to November and Thanksgiving festivities! Happy Halloween!