Here We Go Again

It's been really up and down, but the fact is I'm pregnant. I thought I was going to lose the pregnancy early on because I went boating. Long story short, after a couple weeks of no symptoms of miscarriage I knew that I was past that and that if I miscarried, it was for other reasons. I just had my first Ultrasound and another twist in the game is that they told me that I am 2 weeks behind what they originally told me. Meaning, my due date is not April 20th but rather May 2nd...bummer. Also they told me that I had probably originally conceived twins but lost one because there is only one baby but I have some "bleeds" inside. For a split second there the doctor mentioned twins and I had to wrap my mind around that before he then told us that we only have one baby in there now. You have to keep in mind that during my ultrasound I can't see the screens because of my eyesight. And, because I am only 7 1/2 weeks rather than 9 1/2 weeks, it was too early to even hear the heartbeat. You could see it, but not me. I have been telling the people that knew I was pregnant before now that I had a feeling I was having twins because of the way my body was already changing at 5 and 6 weeks. Even for a 4th pregnancy, it was not normal to me. Now I know my hunch was right, but at the end of the day, we are so far, having one baby. The thought of twins is a bit exciting, but for me it would mean 2 things. #1 It is hard enough for our family to function as is with my handicap - adding one child is hard enough, adding 2 at the same time, horrendous. #2 I am pretty strong and do really well with my babies even though it takes me to the limits. But I know that my babies would be in danger right from the start because of my size. They'd have to take them early and would it be too early? And what about me, it would scar my body beyond repair probably. We'd probably definitely be done after that automatically. Needless to say, it is a blessing we are having one baby!

The doctor did tell me that even though I have "bleeds" and I lost the so called twin, that the baby that is in there has no extra danger or chance of miscarry than normal. The baby has a heart rate of 149 which they said was great. I figure since I'm announcing it on the blog and FB, the only people who won't know is my ward, but I'm not worried about it because at the rate I'm going I'll be showing enough to tell very soon anyway. It's early on but we hope for a healthy pregnancy. If all goes well, we'll be finding the gender at Thanksgiving time. I'm hoping for a girl, for Marce...and to even things out a bit.

After I decided not to pursue treatment in China for many reasons that deserve their own post, we knew that we had to move on with life. As difficult as it is for us, we have to keep going, and make it work. The fact is we're not done having kids and I'm not going to wait around for treatment that doesn't exist right now. If we can have our kids and hang on and try and give them every opportunity they deserve, and their happy with it, that's what we want to do because in the end it's going to be them that are probably going to help me more than anyone.