I was inside the Las Vegas Temple when I found out that Michael had passed away from a friend of mine and Shar's. We had just finished doing sealings. Shar was worried that I wouldn't want to know in those circumstances and best that I hear later but the Temple is the best place I could have been that day. It was leaving the Temple that evening that was the hard part. At the Temple, I felt the comfortable feeling we all feel there. Being there put things into the right eternal prospective. I did not want to walk out of those doors and into the world to face it. My throat burned and I felt sick to my stomach all night. Sick over the waste, the loss of such a wonderful person, the fact that he was so young and alive. The fact that he would have given so much more. The fact that he did not outlive his parents, his siblings, and that he left behind three children. I felt terrible. I was shocked. I couldn't believe he was really gone. I was sure of one thing. I did not want to see anything or hear anything for a long time. No TV, radio, Internet. Nothing. I still am having a hard time avoiding the subject that is still on the news quite a bit. The media is constantly discrediting themselves reporting conflicting stories and facts. They continue to waste their time speculating anything they can and guess the answers to several questions they don't know the answers to until they turn blue in the face. The media is nothing but a circus and I wish they would stop talking about stuff they know nothing about. Sourcing is so important. The best source is Michael himself and his family. Having said that, I want to say that whether his death is a Homicide or not, I would not be surprised. Accidents happen. Lately he had a Cardiac doctor with him at all times while gearing up for his next tour. At the same time I do know that Michael previously had a problem with prescription pain medication when he suffered third degree burns to his scalp in the mid eighties. It is not surprising if problems like that resurface. I always thought that there was a definite possibility of him being Assassinated, but a Homicide is something different. Obviously it will take a lengthy time to figure out what happened in this situation. The media hated Michael and did everything they could to destroy him once he was "on top". I don't know why they are acting so cordial towards him now, just because he's dead.
Michael filtrated into every aspect of my life and had the biggest influence on the spiritual aspect of my life, including personal revelation, testimony, the reality of Jesus Christ, likening scriptures to our own lives and times, and the parable of the seed. Whether he is here or gone he will be the foundation of all my inspiration. He is the founder and discoverer. No body really knows how he's affected me, but it's inspiration unimaginable. For me, he will be missed because of the person he was, not because of how talented he was. The goodness of his life is much more important and takes precedence over the sadness of his death. The truth is we've lost a genuinely good person who had a lot of integrity and love. He still holds the record of most charities supported by a pop star. Yes, he had a very trying life and he wasn't perfect, he was human. But he made this place better and affected millions of people in a positive way. He had some of the best intentions I've ever known. All in all, it really hurt like I'd lost a family member. I understood the scriptures that talk about how we are all brothers and sisters, children of God, because that's exactly how I felt about him. I never met him, but I really thought of him as a brother. He inspired every aspect of my life but the one he affected most is the most important - the spiritual aspect. The thing that makes all of this alright for me is that I got everything I needed to from him, everything I was supposed to learn. I got it all. I studied, I listened, and I learned. I took advantage.
If it wasn't for Michael, I would have never started to pray every day that I would be able to write music, and songs, and poetry. I wanted to really badly, and I couldn't get the idea out of my mind, and one day....it came. It truly is a personal gift from Heavenly father of personal revelation. When songs come to you and you don't know where the melodies came from, and the words are coming to you as fast as you can write them down, and you're hand hurts when it stops and you have no idea what you've just written, and you read it and it's beautiful.....that's personal revelation. Those are some of the most spiritual experiences I have ever had, and they bring true joy and fulfillment. I prayed that I might be able to do that, because I was inspired.
In the last couple of weeks, I've written a song, or I should say, a song has come to me, because of what has happened and I wish you could hear the music that is in my head but I wanted to share the words. It is even interesting to me that after all the hype, the media, the sadness, and the shock...this is the song that came to me. It makes me feel peace and a comfortable feeling.
When the ultimate shock doesn't lift
The liveliest man dies again and again
The last of my Christlike friends is gone
But the example of the lamb lives on
The keeper of the truth now buried deep
Truth restored when Kingdoms be
The veil is thinned, my brother my kin
Sing, angel sing
(Chorus)
Peace looks well on you
My friend, my friend
Be still, and here's to you
Peace looks well on you
My friend, my friend
Be still, and here's - here's to you
I'm a stranger, but he's a friend
A brother til the end
Please get me through
My brother, my friend
Oh, I miss you
(Chorus)
Peace looks well on you
All are looking for something to say, to do
But they know not, of the death today
Oh how I wish they would all go away, cause...
Peace looks well on you
My friend, my friend
Be still, and here's to you
Peace looks well on you
My friend, my friend
Be still, and here's - here's to you
Be still, and oh, I'll miss you...
I have recently discovered "Better In Time" by Leona Lewis and put it on my iPod. I have really related to that song lately and it has made me feel good. The songs and poems I have written over the years about Michael himself are now more profound than ever. I might share a couple in Poetry Posts soon.
For remember the word of God which saith by their works ye shall know them, for if their works be good, then they are good also.
For behold, God hath said a man being evil cannot do that which is good.
Wherefore, all things which are good cometh of God.
Behold, that which is of God inviteth and enticeth to do good continually, wherefore every thing that inviteth and enticeth to do good, and to love God, and to serve him, is inspired of God.
Wherefore take heed my brethren that ye do not judge that which is evil to be of God, or that which is good and of God to be of the devil.
For everything which inviteth to do good and to persuade to believe in Christ is sent forth by the power and gift of Christ, wherefore ye may know with a perfect knowledge it is of Christ.
And now my beloved brethren, seeing that ye know the light by which ye may judge, which light is the light of Christ, see that ye do not judge wrongfully. For with that same judgement which ye judge ye shall also be judged.
Moroni 7
1 comment:
Lexie, you have a great talent. It's a shame the world will probably never hear your tribute to him. I am glad that we talked about how you were feeling, I learned a lot about YOU.
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